This is how you lose her.
You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.
You must remember when she forgets.
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.
She remembers when you forget.
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.
You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.
And, this is how you keep her.
How you lose her.
look at my awful tan line
stop the maths jokes guys, cos they’re not funny
I’ve made a lot of adjustments with myself this year. And I guess it’s normal for people to take it the wrong way and to some, I guess they just don’t get it. Well, I know I live a life wherein if I were to say I’ve been through a lot, many would laugh. I am fully aware that I am truly blessed to have such a loving family. My parents are together, my siblings and I often get into fights but we’re always there for each other, we’re not in a state wherein getting money for food is a problem, we’re not rich or poor, just in between. I have great friends, my grades aren’t failing, and my life is pretty much “okay”.
I’ve decided not to conform which was difficult for me at first. But I eventually got to reason with myself that there are several things in life that won’t point me to God or totally contradicts my faith. My recent philosophy class carved into my heart to practice what I say. And by that, everybody is well aware that I am not a perfect person, in fact I am far from perfect. But it’s sort of disgusting for people to know that I’m a Christian and I behave like I’m a resident of hell.
In the Bible it says:
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)
Ever since I’ve let that verse sink into my brain. I would constantly ask for help from God. Because it is not easy. I tell you 100% IT IS NOT EASY FOR ME. But for Him, I’d give up my worldly attitudes. I don’t want to be a Christian just because I want God to give me everything that I want. I don’t want people to think that I am expecting God to give me something in return for what I am doing. I do not say “God, I will do what You say because I know if I do this, you will make my grades high.” No, I am doing this because He loves me. HE, THE KING OF KINGS died for me because He didn’t want me to go to hell. He willingly gave up His life to save me. He loved me even though He knew how sinful and how unlovable I am. Who wouldn’t be amazed by that kind of love? If you ask a normal person, even your friend to save you, do you actually think they would? You just can’t one day tell your friend “Man, pare, I sinned and the only way for that sin to be forgiven is through death….pare, do me favor please? Die for me?” I mean, even if your friend actually died for you, it still wouldn’t be enough to pay for your sins because your friend has sins too. And Jesus, you didn’t even ask Him. He willingly paid for your sins. It’s more like this, If you had a debt and you couldn’t pay for it (that debt is your sins) Jesus just came along and willingly paid for it. A normal person would say “Oh my gosh, thank you! How can I ever repay you!!” and He’d be like “You don’t have to pay for it.” That’s how I see it. “We love Him because He loved us first.”
And now I’ve been avoiding a lot of people because first of all, it’s not good for me to be around them. I don’t want to be around people who ridicules my faith and calls it shit. I know we all have our own say and our own right to believe in whatever we believe in, but at least have some respect. If you don’t believe in Jesus, I wouldn’t insult you or call you stupid. I would usually just ask why, and tell some stuff why I believe in Him but I wouldn’t even think of making fun of someone’s faith just because I don’t believe in it.
Second, I try to avoid past enemies and potential enemies. I used to have enemies back in high school but we’re now friends. I’m just saying, I’m not totally killing the chances of friendship but it’s not good or I don’t want to be around or even near the people the people I dislike or the ones who dislike me because it creates tension and sparks which causes a fire. And no, I don’t mean the falling in love kind of spark. Out of sight, out of mind. This way, I won’t be tempted to talk about them or think of them.
Third, I avoid people who have a different way of life. I try to avoid people who party and get drunk. (I do have friends who party and get drunk, I just don’t talk to them about it or even go with them. I tried going but God finds a way to block me. In other words, through my kuya and my dad.) I also avoid people who talk about perverted stuff and use profane words part of their every minute conversations. - Now this is actually for myself. The best way to avoid conformation or to go with the flow is not to be part of the flow.
And lastly, I’ve been single for almost 8 months now and people are starting to pity me. I realized I didn’t need a guy to make me happy or contented. I wasn’t born helpless and I am complete with or without a boyfriend. I’ve decided to wait for the right time. Because the right person at the wrong time is still wrong. And yes, I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
I hope I clear out some of the things that you’ve been wondering about me. Questions why and sudden realizations of my changes.